Have you ever been forced to stop when everything in you wanted to keep going? For the past few weeks I have been unusually quiet online, and some of you noticed. The truth is, resting in God’s presence was not something I chose in a calm, unhurried season. It found me in the middle of excruciating pain, when my body finally refused to keep up with my calendar. This is the story of what happened when I could not fight my way back to normal. It is what I learned about stillness before God, surrender and renewed strength along the way.
When Life Doesn’t Ask Permission to Stop
Those who follow my journey know that I am usually sharing something: a thought, a training video, a worship clip, a reflection on faith or wellness. So when the posts stopped and the videos disappeared, some of you messaged me directly. Where have you been? When are you posting again?
Those messages touched me. But the truth is I did not stop because I had nothing to say or because I was too busy. I stopped because life brought me to a place where I had to be still. The past few weeks took me through pain I never expected, pain so severe there were moments I genuinely feared for my life.
At first I tried to fight it the way I know how: pushing through, taking my medication, managing everything, telling myself I would get back to normal soon. But work does not stop because you are unwell. Responsibilities do not disappear. Eventually, my body gave me no choice at all. I did not know it yet, but resting in God’s presence was waiting for me on the other side of that surrender.
Why Resting in God’s Presence Felt So Unnatural
I had to switch off my phone, step away from work, stop training and disconnect from the noise of the world. Honestly, that was one of the hardest things I have had to do. I am used to moving, building and showing up. Doing nothing felt almost unnatural to me.
But in that forced stillness, God began to deal with something deeper than my physical exhaustion. He began to deal with my pace. For those few days I had to sit with Him, not rushing into the next thing, not trying to solve everything, but simply listening. Resting in God’s presence, I discovered, has very little to do with comfort and everything to do with surrender.
What Do You Do When the Pain Doesn’t Make Sense?
I began asking myself some honest questions. Is my heart still in step with You, Lord? Am I still walking in purpose? Are my goals and my reasons still the same? Even in my wellness journey, am I pursuing health for the right reasons and from the right place?
I have always said that when you feel like giving up, go back to your why. This season reminded me that sometimes, before you go back to your why, you need to go back to God. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) puts it simply: trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. I did not understand why I was going through what I was going through, and I still do not fully understand it. But I never questioned God’s character. His plans are so much greater than mine. Slowly, resting in God’s presence started making more sense to me than pushing through ever had.
Waiting on the Lord for Renewed Strength
When I stopped trying to carry everything on my own strength and surrendered instead, something in me began to shift. The circumstances did not change overnight, and the pain did not suddenly become easy. But the Lord renewed my strength.
Isaiah 40:31 (NIV) says it plainly: those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, and walk and not be faint. I have read that verse many times, but I experienced it differently this time. Renewed strength does not always mean the immediate removal of a problem. Sometimes it means God gives you the strength to walk through what you could never have carried alone. Waiting on the Lord is rarely passive. It is its own kind of work.
Surrendering to God in the Middle of Gratitude
Through all of this, I held on to one thing: gratitude. I speak often about an attitude of gratitude, but this time I was not simply talking about it, I was living inside it. Each morning became something to thank God for, along with every breath and the people praying for me. I was grateful too for moments of relief, and for every sign that my body was beginning to recover.
I was not grateful because the experience was easy. It was not. I was in pain and I was afraid. But I chose to remain grateful in the middle of it. God has been teaching me something for a long time: fall in love with Me for who I am, not for what I can do for you. It is easy to love God when He answers your prayers and life goes according to plan. It is another thing entirely when you are hurting and the situation remains painful. That is where surrendering to God stops being a phrase and becomes a relationship. Yes, this is painful, but God. Yes, I do not understand, but God. His character does not change because my circumstances do.
What Stillness Before God Means for True Wellness
This experience changed how I look at my own wellness journey. I speak so much about discipline, movement and becoming the best version of ourselves. But this season reminded me that wellness is not about proving how much we can endure. Sometimes taking care of yourself means knowing when to stop. Our bodies are part of the assignment too, and stillness before God is as much a wellness practice as any workout or meal plan.
I am still recovering, still processing, still learning. But I am coming out of these past few weeks with a deeper appreciation for prayer, gratitude, my health and, most importantly, God.
A Closing Prayer
So to those who wondered where I was, thank you for waiting. I was not gone. I was being still, healing, listening. And somehow, in the middle of the most painful days, I found strength that was not mine to begin with. I am learning that resting in God’s presence is not a reward for finishing the race. It is what carries you through it.
Maybe this is what the pause was for: not to take me away from my purpose, but to bring me back to the One who gave it to me. Perhaps your own health is not interrupting your assignment. Perhaps it is protecting it. And perhaps the pause you are resisting right now is the very place where God wants to meet you.
If you are in a season that is asking you to stop, I would love to hear how you are holding on. And if this reflection encouraged you, you may also want to read [Her Secret Place, Part One] on finding peace in prayer and retreat.
Grace and peace.
